On why you are alive

On why you are alive and they aren't
Let's face it,
let's be honest the only reason you are alive today is because when ever things got out of hand you walked in the shadows. Don't get me wrong I'm not questioning your bravery let's not be ridiculous about it this isn't about your ego we're just trying to tell your story our story, story of those who made it out alive out of those tumultuous horror of years.
Can you really come up with any other explanation oh luck you say, those bullets, those bombs, guns and knives were coming for all of us and yet I see no war wounds no torture scars on you. The only reason your alive is some where in you mind you must have told yourself let's save a little of me for the future. Remember the first demonstration you participated in Iran? Why did you walk the side walk after the Hezbollah started throwing stones at demonstrators? Beside the shock of it none of you had seen any thing like this except a few who had made it here before February insurrection. The most horrible demonstration you had taken part in was the one protesting shah's visit to Washington DC. That felt like real battle D.C police went out of their way breaking heads, arm and legs of Iranian students, but even that fell short compare to what you were facing on that Sunday after noon in front of university of Tehran. No one expected such level of violence. This was the demonstration called for by national democratic front in support of ayandegan a liberal newspaper which had criticized certain policies of newly formed government. So the newspaper print shop was attacked by hezbolahi pressure groups when Khomeini called for closing of the newspaper calling it a" mouthpiece of U.S. imperialism". Only small part of revolutionary left sided with the freedom of decent and press the rest unfortunately chose to side with the government. On that day your friends had asked to go to the of the demonstration to help protect the protesters from attack of pressure groups of hoodlums who were armed with knives and heavy metal chains. You had so many questions in your mind who is arming them how did they get all this stones later on became apparent they had used city service trucks to load and bring stones well organized effort on part of reactionaries. And most of the left still in winter hibernation was quite unconscious of what was really taking place in our society. Pro Russian Tudeh was pretty much in a dreamland siding with r Islamic fraction of government fighting against the liberal and moderate elements within freedom movement.
They really were hoping for similar scenario as in Afghanistan where pro Russian pseudo socialist parties had gained total of the state by overthrowing the monarch and forcing him to exile in Italy. You were confused not part of this trend your small group of intellectuals were trying so hard to find a path out of this madness. We were hoping for an alternative independent and left writing programs and plans for a better future for our people. Fighting the good the good fight and now I think all those programs and meetings aside did any single one of them make any sense to realities of post insurrection period. Could we have made any real meaningful effort to move our dominated repressed society any where near our dreams, beyond its morbid, fanatical predicament.
We needed a revolutionary path opening intelligentsia which we've lacked for so many years. We've had intellectuals who were basically importing ides without a clear idea of themselves or their society. You used to say we don't have it and you'd defend plethora of pro western intellectuals from Forooghi,Malcom, Talebof, Heidarkhan, Arani and others who simply wanted to copy European renaissance to Iran's political economic situation.
"we have no national identity after Mongol and Arab invasions." Hence you saw task at hand to join an international process and that was already pronounced and planned by the third international and genuine revolutionary parties that adhered to it. But was that enough, I mean we kept on saying "applying these theories to concrete conditions of our own societies" till that became more like a mantra with no real meaning like many other slogans void of revolutionary spirit and life.
To some extent though I owe my life to you! When your dogmas gave way to serious doubts, many of us started to have skepticism on the process of social change. So unintentionally you saved lives of more than a few who were thinking of going back home and push the organization's efforts in opening a new front against despotic rule which at the time was nothing less than a mass revolutionary suicide born out of total desperate situation we were in.
So here I am actually thanking you for what at the time I thought was simply cowardice on your part!