Hitting the jackpot!!!
It's quite difficult to detect his barely noticeable northern Iranian accent. We are sitting in bar coffee shop some where near the MIT campus. My friend farhad is enjoying his amber lager specialty of this bar he drinks up last of what is left in the pitcher and immediately orders another one fearing I might fall behind. We are ordering our second pitcher of amber lager they say its Irish brewed and since its an Irish bar and it gets you tipsy after the first pitcher it really doesn't matter what it is if they poured some cheap domestic bear and added some color you'd drink it and say oh its for sure Irish. Last I remember farhad was in Santa Monica where he totally got depressed and had a nervous breakdown. He was played with by a scoundrel, cock teasing wife a friend. He was ashamed for his role in the fiasco and took the blame for the affair. This completely jeopardized his own family his wife and children in the process. Finally it was Taraneh his wife who took charge moved the family to Boston a secluded area of town. She wanted to be in an academic environment similar to one in Santa Monica. We had a close nit community of friends before this incident working hard and really tried to figure out what went wrong on weekends and that usually meant drinking from Friday night straight to Sunday almost every one joined in shipwrecked small community of exiles who were in mourning loss of friends who were recently executed but moreover we were mourning our own lives our own state of hopeless, ineffective lives. When you fly high, the fall is fatal.
He says: " so commander where do we go from here."
I can barely hear what he says, its hard to talk over loud rock a Billy Mark Knopfler song calling Elvis… for a moment I remember days in Santa Monica when he was not so pathetically morbid and so morally broke. Quite different when we heard friends and comrades in arms exectuted or died in battles with government forces. I also witnessed their demise, depression and complete deterioration politically and ideologically.
I'm not a commander I answer harshly I just took orders from people who were commanding. I was a good foot soldier really believing commanders like you. He laughs yea you are right, but we gave the leadership to a new generation to carry forward. I mean what do you expect from us? "
I think of so many things like decency, dedication, leadership and most important of all not to fuck your best friend's wife! But I refrain; I'm too drunk to get in to this argument now. So I say forget it how is life now are you happy are you content here?
He laughs content? Way beyond that I've hit the jack pot! I ask him what you mean.
"Well I've married a woman who has every thing I ever dreamed of, she is intelligent hard working, owns her own house and yet she knows her place within our culture and loves me. What else can a man want? It's been almost two years since we lost most of our friends and to feel happy is something I can't even pretend to be. How ever I say congratulations I'm happy for you, cheers and drink up.
By know we have finished the third pitcher of lager and we are both quite drunk. He asks "what's bothering you? Are you still mourning her loss fuck it man be happy start living." "You think we'd do any different if we had come to power? Good we didn't we'd fuck over a whole generation of people who stood or tried to stand in our wad. If you thought they were repressive …" I jump in his sorry in break his line of sorry excuses and say: I don't know but tell me about Monir, he shouts back fuck I knew you'd ask that. Well she was wife of one our best friends and you fucked her. He responds half drunk: "no I didn't"
Surprisingly I ask no?
He laughs and says: " no she fucked me I mean really messed me up, she was the one who came on to me. She was well aware of serious problems between me and Taraneh but she came to try me out. See how it would be with an older man and as this grew we were actually planning on our future together maybe move from California go east we thought at firs. She knew that my father had left me some money here she was young and very ambitious, tired of our meaningless political harangues. She wanted a better life for herself I was in my early forties may be I was more sensitive than her husband with a guaranteed future. None the less I still believe she was the one who seduced me. Admit it she has that ability she doesn't look much or that hot but she was young and you know we are weak when it comes to that. She gave and I mean really gave and I too k it without any thought. And when shit hit the fan it was beyond any ones control. "
He takes a dip hit of smoke and as he exhales the smoke asks "was your father a happy man?"
I'm taken back by his question and say: no come to think of it. If I had his life, his bitter experiences I wouldn't be happy either. He went thru so much I mean if we compare he went thru oil nationalization , Tudeh party fiasco, the coup and betrayal of its central committee. Then he was part of the leadership that stood their ground and tried to fight back the CIA sponsored coup they were defeated and he live in jungles up north, came to Tehran and was arrested but the junta couldn't tie him to the leadership. He was released after facing the worse time of torture and execution of Tudeh and other forces of resistance. After a few months of freedom due to stupidity of his brother his connection to Tudeh central committee was exposed and he was arrested went to prison and faced most horrid year of his life in then notorious ghezel hessar prison.
Like he has found something precious he jumps and says: " that’s fucking it. How in the world you think my father was he was broken down just the same maybe not as sever as your father but none the less he was a pessimist and bitter. This hopelessness effects next generations. It poisons family life. Family is where one is nourished like a plant in good soil. As a child you need to see love you need to hear laughter you need to feel hope generosity morality and optimism. All the good things in life and what we got was the opposite so you think my children or yours be happy when they start families of their own?"
I don't see Farhad as a "mother fucker" what he repeated saying till he was blue when things got out of control back in California. He was trying to take blame for his affair with Monir.
He continues: " I created hell for my wife and kids I just hope the you will move and not be dragged in quagmire of my hopelessness and despair. "
For once he is actually letting go of himself and his selfish ways. But I can't help and interject so now we have to blame our fathers for our weaknesses and shortcoming in life.
"no I didn't say blame. I'm not blaming anyone I'm saying we are by product of our social environment and conditions. If you grow in a nourishing environment in the ideal place you become that, you perpetuate growth, hope and optimism. That's all"
I agree nodding my head in agreement I say but still we have a responsibility as individuals. We can't go on and behave irresponsibly and then say well my father was like that or mother was so. I ask him do you really believe if you father was an optimist you'd resist Monir seduction. He shrugs his shoulder finishes what's left of his beer and walks toward the exit door. That was last I saw Farhad last I heard he had become a very successful developer as he liked to phrase it returned to his class base and I often question if we ever really left it?!